Re-entry
As we begin to mentally prepare for life back in a stationary home, I’m acutely aware of the things I adore about van life. I’m not ready to miss these things or give them up. In writing this list of things I appreciate about van life and what I’m worried about losing by introducing the house (even part-time), I hope to hold myself accountable.
Similarly, I’m worried about getting back to a stationary home and I feel that the list of things I’m looking forward to falls short. Therefore, in listing some things that I am looking forward to I hope to evoke more positivity about the transition back to our physical non-roaming address.
In no particular order, here are things I love about the van:
1). Shop small and use it all. We do small and somewhat frequent food shops and we use everything. There is no waste and I really want to keep it that way. I don’t want to overstock a pantry with the food we don’t use. I want to buy fresh food and use it all, even if that means more frequent food shopping. There is no excuse for waste. It’s also economical. Before we left for the trip we gave away hundreds of dollars of food we didn’t use in its entirety (oils, condiments, frozen fruit & veg, frozen meat, seeds all come to mind).
2). In our stationary house, we have a sliding mirror closet door right in front of our bed. We walk by it all the time. I don’t need that much visual feedback. Living in the van has limited time in front of a mirror, therefore deriving a sense of self from how I feel rather than what I see. As someone who has struggled with body image stuff since the dawn of time, less time with a mirror feels like a path to success for me. I’m in an okay place about all of this but less mirror time has helped. So… I’m going to put up a curtain or something. Easy fix.
3). Despite appearances on social media, geographically van life has forced us to unplug for a few days here and there. I’m not against being connected via phones, the Internet, etc, but I am a fan of it being taken away for small chunks of time. It’s good for me. It’s hard to do willingly. Jon and I are undoubtedly more connected emotionally when being plugged in is not an option. I love that. I want a day or two of being unplugged from time to time. It’s almost impossible to self inflict it when reception or Wi-Fi is readily available. Must think of a plan for this one.
4). We use very little water in the van. We have 12 gallons attached to the sink and a small 2-gallon portable container. It takes several weeks to get through those 12+ gallons. You can do dishes with a cup of water. I worry about the waste in my future re-water. We shower infrequently and that’s a water saver in and of itself. I think we will add an easy on/off switch to our showerhead and try to conserve.
5). We use products in their entirety. Lotion, bug spray, soap, shampoo, sunblock chapstick, condiments, cooking oils. Limited space means you can’t have 5 different lotions going at once. It’s insanely satisfying to finish an entire bottle of something before replacing it. I hope that increased space doesn’t impede our habit of having one container of each product going at a time and using it all before getting another.
6). Sometimes we crawl into bed at 8 am and read or listen to an audiobook together for a while before bed. No TV, no screens, just ears open and eyes on paper. I’ve been known to read or color from after dinner until bed and I’m not bored. It’s a time and pace that I cherish. It’s a routine that I love. Ain’t no shame in rocking the same vibe in a house, right?
7). Slow mornings are my jam. Jon gets Penny and then delivers her to bed with a cup of coffee to me. I love not rushing in the morning. I’m a good morning person, but I’m the best morning person when I can be awake but not doing anything but waking up.
8). Less is more. Our belongings in the van are limited, which means less stuff to manage. Moving back into the house inevitably means we will end up with more, namely furniture since we got rid of most of ours. We are still determined to keep clothes, gear & misc items at a minimum, even if we own a few larger items.
9). I’m worried about missing Jon. I truly love being with him 24/7. I love our routine, our van vibe, our days, and our communication. I worry about losing some of that closeness as we introduce more physical space, distractions, and separate routines. It will happen inevitably and we will be fine, but I’ll miss him when I have to share him with the world again.
Not living in the van will have a couple of perks:
1). Consistent recycling. Sometimes we are in parks, campgrounds, and communities where recycling is easy and apparent. Sometimes we are throwing out things that make us cringe. Regular access to proper recycling will feel good.
2). Moving something to get to something gets old. We use space well and things are tetrisized perfectly, but sometimes you want to reach for shoes and not move a bin or bag or two in the process.
3). Smoothies on the ready, whenever and where ever I want. While we do travel with a blender and have plenty of power to run one, we don’t have a freezer. No one wants room temp smoothies. In my world, smoothies only work when they are made with at least some frozen fruit. So bring it on, freezer.
4). Strengthening, namely Pure Barre. Not only do I understand the benefits of regular strengthening, but, as a physical therapist, I have plenty of knowledge to create my own program. There are zero excuses as to why I have let strengthening go for 14 months other than I simply don’t like doing it. Far before the idea of van life, it was like pulling teeth to get me to do regular strengthening until I found Pure Barre. Suddenly, I was an addict. My metabolism has taken a direct hit as a result of my lack of regular Pure Barre attendance. The 25 classes I’ve done on the road have made me feel happy and strong, but there’s nothing like going on a regular basis. I’m truly excited to get back to that routine in Boulder as a Community Ambassador and I’m curious to see how my metabolism and body shift.
5). Couch time. Our seats in the van swivel, creating a living room feel. However, the 3 of us love to pile up on a couch and hang out. We do that on the bed now but it’s nice to have the option of sitting up for family time.
6). Professionally Jon and I are taking little leaps of faith. In September he will be attending massage school in order to both add to his resume and check a box on his bucket list. I will be starting my own independent physical therapy business based out of Koa Fit, a personal training facility, in Boulder. Upon reading one of my posts about my desire to work in wellness, my friend & cycling teammate, Brenna Backe, was kind enough to give me the opportunity to use her space as a platform for my own little PT gig. While neither of those is anywhere close to living in a van, we are both eager to see where they lead. I mean, what’s the best that could happen?!
You would think things like regular access to indoor plumbing and showers would make this list, but it’s been so easy and comfortable to limit showers and toilets that regular access in a house just isn’t something I yearn for.
As we slowly approach Boulder, most all I want to honor what Jon and I said at the outset of this trip: We view life as a series of mini-retirements. I truly believe this is just round one of extended life in the van. I don’t only believe it, but I want it to be true. I need it to be true. Upon hearing our painstaking decision to return to our house my friend said “It’s good to leave the party while it’s still fun” and I totally agree. It will keep us creative, motivated, and wanting more.
Prior to leaving the house, we did a little questionnaire about our pending shift that I made up based on some Internet digging. It will sound very clinical, and I supposed it is, but it was short and gave just the right amount of insight we each needed to transition to the van consciously as a couple in a relationship worthy of protecting. The questions included:
3 Things you think will go well personally/goals
3 Things you are concerned about personally
3 Things you are concerned bout as a couple
3 Things you are concerned about the other person bothering you
3 Things you want the other person to know/be aware of
We filled them out quietly alone and then shared them with each other. The entire exercise probably took 10-15 min and seemed to set the tone. We haven’t looked back on the questions until now. I have a feeling that a similar type of exercise will be and should be done upon reentering our house. The questionnaire just may have been part of the success in the van and maybe part of our success out of the van. After all, one of our mottos is that life is all about expectation management (Thank you to my big sister for teaching me that one).
We had a taste of reentry back in April as we returned to Boulder in preparation to fly to Mallorca. The only word I could use to describe it was ‘overwhelming’. It’s an amazing feeling to see your friends after a year apart and my feelings of being overwhelmed are not connected to my community of amazing people. Rather, it’s how quickly Jon and I disconnected. I felt like we had stuff spread everywhere, we were doing things separately and trying to fit a zillion things into a few days, a pace that is not familiar in van life. A couple of days had passed and I realized Jon and I had hardly spoken about the days’ events, what needed to be done, etc. It just felt like a lot. I couldn’t wait to get on the plane where we were forced to slow down and check back in. April wasn’t that long ago and that feeling of being overwhelmed and disconnected is not that far off. It’s the thing that weighs on me the most about moving out of the van.
When we first left the house we looked around and at each other with misty eyes. I’m not exactly sure why we were emotional, probably some combination of worry and anticipation. I remember hoping that we were not making a mistake and not testing our relationship too much. I almost said out loud that I was hoping most deeply that we were not setting ourselves up for failure or making a mistake. Approximately 24 hours into the trip, those doubts left me. However, they are returning as we prepare to shift again. I hope going back to the house is the right move for us. I hope our relationship can sustain all the distraction and noise that comes along with reestablishing ourselves in the community. I have confidence, and perhaps a bit of insight that we’ll be fine, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it has crossed my mind. So yea, I may shed a familiar tear as we pull up to the house, but if the last 14 months are any indicator, the Roaming Robos will thrive.
